I cried. I balled my eyes out. I sobbed, gasping for air because the pressure to keep my plans in line had become too great. Sitting on the steps of my new home that summer day I questioned how on earth I would be able to pull these plans together. I cried and cried, until I heard a Still, Small Voice ask my heart, “Who told you to go to law school?” It suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t have to go, that the plans I’d made for years might not fit who I was becoming any longer, that God had something greater on the horizon. Have you ever felt that way? I don’t know what you’ve been dealing with lately or how your summer has been going, but I do know that our God has plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. May I share a story with you?
I moved here to Las Vegas ten years ago, and it still feels like yesterday that I touched down with tons of plans about how I would spend the next two years and what would follow. Ten years later, I now have the realization that God’s plans are so much better than anything we could think or imagine! In these ten years, I’ve written three books, opened two business, served in leadership at my church, gotten married, and invited numerous people to accept Christ into their heart, but I don’t know if I would have enjoyed any of that had I stuck to my plans.
I pursued the decision to attend law school throughout undergrad at the University of Illinois for four years. I joined the Minority Association for Future Attorneys (MAFA) and served as the vice president my junior year before moving on to serve as the president during my senior year. I planned everything out-even the fact that I would serve as the president senior year, and it all worked out. I led an incredibly talented team that was highly dysfunctional, but we learned to work together and we created some incredible initiatives. The only reason that I even came to Las Vegas was to work with a national teaching program called Teach For America that law schools looked upon favorably.
My life changed as soon as I settled in Las Vegas. I started attending an incredible church. I stopped drinking. I stopped clubbing, and I stopped spending time with toxic people. Even in the middle of those changes, I still held on to the dreams that girl had when she moved to Vegas. Despite the fact that I experienced no peace, I studied in the test prep classes, took the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test) twice, applied to law school, registered for law school, and bought the books for law school-even though now I was determined to go part time since I felt so much joy educating my students. It wasn’t until the night I was to attend orientation that I caved under the demands I’d been attempting to hold my head above. I had no flooring or furniture in my new classroom. My lesson plans were due, and I was already behind in my coursework, even though my classes weren’t even supposed to start for another week and a half.
When I heard the Holy Spirit ask me why I was going to law school, I let go of my plans in His presence and finally decided to allow Him to rule over my future. The peace that I felt that evening on my steps was indescribable, and it only grew as the months passed. Instead of attending orientation that evening, I drove to the bookstore and returned all of my books. That year, I started writing the Colorfully Candid Diaries and I began meeting with the women who would later become the first board members of The Colorfully Candid Paradigm. I led the event planning committee at my church and I began to discover how to share the lessons I’d learned.
Ten years later, I cannot imagine where I would be had I not surrendered my plans to God. He truly does know best. I dare you to trust the One who knew you before you were born (Jeremiah 1:5) and who loves you more than you could ever imagine! If you have found how much better the plans that He creates are than ours, I’d love to hear your story. Comment below so that we can encourage one another! For now, let’s pray…
We bless you for loving us more than we love ourselves, for knowing us better than we know ourselves, for making plans for us that are greater than we know ourselves. Your word tells us that you know our thoughts afar off. Help us to make decisions that will honor the person who you are developing us to be. Help us to seek your word and your will for our lives, without compromise or shame, in Jesus’s name, we pray, amen.
I’ll be at the WEG Conference with Mountaintop Faith Ministries with middle and high school girls on August 1 and 2. Registration is free (although you do have to bring them to register them), and we will be dealing with all the things connected to self esteem! I hope to see you there!