Absence, Indifference, and Unmet Expectations

Absence, Indifference, and Unmet Expectations

Valentine’s Day is an interesting day. For some, it’s exciting, “even if it is a Hallmark Holiday.” For others, it’s their favorite day of the year. Still, there are lots of people who wish it didn’t exist at all. The reasons so many wish the day didn’t exist are as diverse as each of us, and it’s likely that each of the people you talk to will have different reasons to attribute their honest. The day can often act as a reminder of the absence, indifference, and unmet expectations we experience in our personal lives and it feels really rude sometimes. It’s so easy to see pictures of people on social media and assume that they’re doing better than you, but that’s hardly ever the case, so I’m here to share a little story.

I have not been shy about the fact that 2019 was incredibly difficult for me. My husband, Quent, and I were in a much different place this time last year in comparison to where we are now, and I’m crazy thankful for the choices we made. We made the choice to press past every uncomfortable thing that disturbed our deepest thoughts about our future on a consistent basis (because one time wasn’t enough). This picture is special to me because it signifies our willingness to press past the absence we both felt growing in our heart, the indifference we’d begun to develop in our mentality, and the unmet expectations we were hyper focused on during a good part of the year. We chose to believe that those things that had connected us were stronger than anything that could distance us, and then we decided to act like we believed it.

Why do I tell you this-especially on Valentine’s Day? I tell you this to encourage those of you who are filled with regrets, doubts, and concerns about the future. You may not be filled with butterflies this February 14 and that’s okay. What is not okay is getting caught up in a comparison trap as you eyeball everyone else’s pictures today. What’s not okay is allowing bitterness to entrench itself even deeper in your mental and emotional health. What’s not okay is making an irrational decision based upon your feelings in this moment. Feelings come and go so get help with them. Prayer saved my marriage. Therapy saved my marriage. Wise friendships saved my marriage. 

Check who you’re connected to. Check who’s around when those feelings of disgust and disregard speak louder than those feelings of desire. Check who rolls their eyes with you instead of bowing their head in prayer for you. Check in to your secret place with God, and get a check up for your marriage. There is no shame nor guilt here. Judgement doesn’t exist in this place so find the freedom to get the help you deserve today. Choose your emotional health over your ego and you’ll be better in every way.

Let’s pray.

Dear God, in the name of Jesus, I thank you for each and every woman, single or married, who reads this blog today. We choose to surrender our emotions at your feet because you, alone, know how much we’re swayed by what we see and how we feel. We choose to set the tone for our relationships, our friendships, our families, and our goals for all of them through the lens of our faith in Jesus Christ. God, you told us that, above all, we are to love because love covers a multitude of sins, and we are here to admit we don’t always know how to do that. In the middle of our attempts to love, flashbacks of betrayal and fear overwhelm us, causing us to act outside of your character that is slow to anger and quick to forgive, so today we ask that you give us a new mind. We ask that you help us to find ourselves in the secret place of your presence where we can find the love that we’re craving. We ask that you help us to find the community group or the therapist that will help us to heal from the trauma we’ve endured, and we ask that you renew the friendships that you have ordained for our lives. You are a good, good Father and we trust you with our future, completely. Remind us how deeply you know us, even in this place and fill us up with the peace that exceeds our deepest longings and greatest urges. You are the definition of love today and we honor you, in Jesus’ name, amen. 

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  1. Amen

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